The Unseen Beginnings: Reflecting on Adoption and Identity

First, I must apologize for the delay since my last article. My birthday has recently come and gone, and as it does each year, it brought with it a whirlwind of emotions. Ever since I learned about my adoption, my birthdays have transformed. They're no longer just occasions for celebration; instead, they've become poignant reminders of a profound personal loss, and now that I know the truth are whirlwinds of emotion.

The truth about my adoption cast a long shadow over what should be joyous moments. It made me question fundamental truths about my life, including the authenticity of my own birth date. The birth certificate I have, which lists my adoptive parents as my biological ones, has always felt more like a token gesture than a true testament to my origins (It looks like it came from OfficeMax). It's a document that seemed to acknowledge my existence superficially, without capturing the whole truth of my beginnings.

Every "Happy Birthday!" I heard, especially before 2022, was tinged with a sense of irony. It was a phrase that, for me, carried an undercurrent of unanswered questions. I couldn't help but think, "To have a birthday, someone had to give birth to me. Who is that person?" This question loomed large in my mind, turning each birthday into a day of introspection rather than celebration.

For years, I couldn't bring myself to put on a facade of happiness during these celebrations, and I often feel like a grinch for not feigning joy. To hear 'Happy Birthday' and not know who made that day possible for me was a stark reminder of the missing pieces in my life story. This has impacted my feeling on every single holiday with family. It underscored a gap in my understanding of who I am – a gap that birthdays, with their inherent focus on self, only served to highlight.